By
John Peeler
Bedminster Golf Club, New Jersey.
“Mr. President, your call to Secretary Pompeo is on line 1.”
“Mike, listen. I know I told you yesterday to finish up the Taliban deal in Afghanistan, and firm up a new summit date with Kim. Put them on hold. This HUGE new thing. I want to buy Greenland.”
***
“Why? Isn’t it obvious? The ice cap is melting! Think of the opportunities in all that newly exposed land…”
***
“Opportunities for what? Golf c — I mean bases! Lots of bases. And BIG resor — I mean research stations. Everybody will want to go there!”
***
“You don’t think Denmark will sell? Look, everything has a price. Find out what they’re asking.
Offer them Mar-a-Lago! It will be underwater soon, but they don’t have to know that.”
***
“The local population? There are people there?”
***
“Fifty thousand? On that huge island? I’ll buy them!”
The actual photograph of this bonkers press conference.
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“What do you mean, that’s not how it’s done! I’m Donald Trump. I do things my way!”
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“What does it matter if the Fake News Media don’t like me buying people? My base will love it — and so will the Greenlanders!”
***
“Well, I’ll just tell them I’ll Make Greenland Green Again! They’re bound to love that. And by burning more coal I’m making it happen!”
***
“Wait, you say the Greenlanders don’t fit my image of Danes? You know, blond, blue eyes… ”
***
“They’re what?”
***
“Inuits? What’s that?”
***
“So they’re not, like, white?”
***
“No problem. If they won’t be bought I’ll send them back where they came from!
“Get on it Mike. My tee time is coming up!”
##END SCENE##
The meracator projections massively distort the size of Greenland. Maybe Trump thinks Greenland is huge?
Originally published in LA Progressive.
