By

John Peeler

 

Inspired by this news item.

 

Bedminster Golf Club, New Jersey.

 

“Mr. President, your call to Secretary Pompeo is on line 1.”

 

“Mike, listen.  I know I told you yesterday to finish up the Taliban deal in Afghanistan, and firm up a new summit date with Kim.  Put them on hold. This HUGE new thing. I want to buy Greenland.”

***

“Why?  Isn’t it obvious?  The ice cap is melting!  Think of the opportunities in all that newly exposed land…”

***

“Opportunities for what?  Golf c — I mean bases! Lots of bases.  And BIG resor — I mean research stations.  Everybody will want to go there!”

***

“You don’t think Denmark will sell?  Look, everything has a price. Find out what they’re asking.

Offer them Mar-a-Lago!  It will be underwater soon, but they don’t have to know that.”

***

“The local population?  There are people there?”

***

“Fifty thousand?  On that huge island?  I’ll buy them!”

The actual photograph of this bonkers press conference.

***

“What do you mean, that’s not how it’s done!  I’m Donald Trump. I do things my way!”

***

“What does it matter if the Fake News Media don’t like me buying people?  My base will love it — and so will the Greenlanders!”

***

“Well, I’ll just tell them I’ll Make Greenland Green Again!  They’re bound to love that. And by burning more coal I’m making it happen!”

***

“Wait, you say the Greenlanders don’t fit my image of Danes?  You know, blond, blue eyes… ”  

***

“They’re what?”

***

“Inuits?  What’s that?”

***

“So they’re not, like, white?”

***

“No problem.  If they won’t be bought I’ll send them back where they came from!  

“Get on it Mike.  My tee time is coming up!”

##END SCENE##

The meracator projections massively distort the size of Greenland. Maybe Trump thinks Greenland is huge?

Originally published in LA Progressive.